What to do with the unexpected

When I was a little girl I believed I was going to marry at 28 to my tall dark and handsome prince, have two kids and live in a big house with a choice of cars on my drive. Little did I know my life was going to turn out different.

At the age of 32 after loosing 2 children in my womb  I was diagnosed with premature menopause. Wow I could not have predicted this in a million years. I grew up in a family of 6 brothers and 2 sisters I have a pack load of nephews and nieces and everyone had ear marked me to be a good mum. As a side note one of the things many of  my clients tell me is that they started off with a lot of hair and I’m sure never in a million years did they think they would be sat in front of a consultant broken and distraught as a result of female pattern baldness.

I recall sat in the doctors surgery looking at all the tests in disbelief. Did I hear this correctly? Have I truly missed out on having my own children. The 1 dream I held so dear to me gone.

How do you come to terms with the unexpected and how do you carry on when everything you know has suddenly crumbled before you. Do you pretend it’s not happening? do you hide in shame?  Do you go from doctor to doctor hoping you get a different response ? Someone please tell me what to do.

I did go for a second opinion and even spent money on private consultations the result was the same. I spent a couple of years in denial but I always had this thing in side of me, this jealous thought every time my brothers announced they were having yet another child. Yes great for them what about me? I couldn’t bear to go into children’s shops and most of all I blamed myself for the two babies I had lost In my womb. Maybe I should have been more careful, eaten better, rested more. Maybe I would have a son or a daughter now. But then I looked at all the women who smoked and drank and gave birth to healthy babies. How could this be. Why me?

My turning point happened when I was forced to look myself in the mirror and see who I had become. This was not who I wanted to be. How did I let myself plunge so deep that I could not recognize who I was. I had no purpose, direction or self belief.

What could I do.  I had to get this burden off me. I had to start to rebuild my life. I had to smile again. I had to walk in confidence.  I had to know there is a way. I made a step to look at options. What is possible ? I sought out fertility clinics in the UK and internationally, I spoke with the best consultants, looked into adoption and read of testimonies on others going through similar situations.  I got on my knees and prayed to God for strength and direction.  I enrolled in my church to serve with children and began to feel the burden drop and the desire to live a purposeful life rise from within me. To be my best, to look my best and to encourage others to be their best.

Everyday I have the opportunity to be amongst children, I spend memorable moments with my nephews and I am equipped with the knowledge that when I do eventually marry my prince charming there are options available for us to have our own family. I am compelled to adopt and having the opportunity to do so will bring me so much joy.

So back to the question, what do you do with the unexpected? After you have gone through your moments of distraught, denial and discontent, look in the mirror, take a deep breath and make a step. That one step will lead you to another and if you focus on that goal of regaining back your confidence, self worth and identity. Not only  will you become that person, you will also be a bright light  shining  for others.

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